Hang. In. There.

The ups and down are as tumultuous as whether the feeling of morning sickness will actually transpire into puke or simply remain in a state of unease and discomfort in the pit of my stomach. Worse than any flu bug I've ever had, it never eases up.

It seems - I've read and been told also - that some guidelines around the relinquishment ban may incur soon. The elections were supposed to be followed by the introduction of some new doctrine. I would so welcome this. These things never happen quickly, however.

The elections took place this past weekend and while they were peaceful (contrary to 2005, when the last elections were held), there is concern over the outcome being legitimate. Crap. I am hoping and praying they were not. (The landslide was pretty incredible though.) I am simply exhausted from wondering when we will see some sort of change. Policies on relinquishment changing wouldn't necessarily be bad. Not at all. A slower pace of referrals, while not ideal, would mean everything on the up-and-up and still referrals moving. Movement people.

We need to see some movement.

I need to see some movement.

There's a place and a peace in me, where I am fine. There's an equal place and peace which is, well, not so peaceful.

It's been encouraging to see some post-referral movement...a couple visas (firsts since the inception of the new Imagine) and a successful court date are certainly reason for celebration. Go on over and congratulation this family on their stunning new addition. It brought tears to my eyes.

And, perhaps you recall the story of Gillis, one of the first wee ones to be referred in January? His was one of the only two visas in the pouch earlier this week. That means he's gonna get to meet his Mama and Daddy in a handful of days. And, if that's not reason to celebrate then this is: This story of the timing of God, the perfection of sovereignty, and the glory of adoption is enough to make this waiting Mama fall to her knees in awe, in prayer, and with the faith and knowledge that my God does perform miracles...and often we have not simply because we do not ask. (Okay, so I've been asking for awhile...but it's these BIG. SPECIFIC. MIRACLE SEEKING PRAYERS. which I do not offer up nearly enough. So, it's starting now. Bigger. More faithful. With a holy discontent like none other.)

An excerpt from Gillis' Daddy in an email sent to myself yesterday...

God has renewed our hope on more than one occasion during this adoption process. The latest just being our receiving Gillis' visa so quickly even though there are many families who have been waiting longer than we have to travel. Our Church and community have embraced our son and so many people are praying for him that it is unbelievable. Our Church presented us with a cheque for $4800 a few weeks ago that they raised to replace the $4000 we had to come up with to keep our adoption going after the bankruptcy. This was just God restoring what had been lost plus more! God gave us a vision that we were to have a son from Ethiopia and it seems that He continues to work miracles just to let us know that He is in control. We specifically prayed to travel in May even when it seemed impossible and we are leaving May 29.

So here I go.

Specifics.

Big.

Stinkin' huge prayers.

Faith of a child, yet wisdom and knowledge of what the Creator truly does.

Dates.

Prayer with anticipation and expectation.

Doing anything less would be inadequate...it would be admitting that I don't think God is sovereign.

And I believe He is.

And this is the place and peace in me I would like to see more often.