The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.
-Buechner

Monday, May 24, 2010

Ironic May

You know, it's funny to watch as God's plan plays out. The irony of May is almost too much to bear - so much so that I find myself smiling between the gritting of my teeth. Way back in what was it, February? I found myself naively on a referral high and made the idiotic attempt of guesstimating when ours might actually be realized...May. Seriously. That was back when I had a pretty good idea of how messed up things could get on the canadian side but let's be honestly, I didn't truly take into consideration the instability boasted by international adoption. I let the super positive cloud the realistic. I took it lightly, perhaps it could have been gullibility or narcissism. Whatever.

Many of us were pretty positive that our gut was giving May the thumbs up. And, I'm sure in many ways it has been a great month...just not in all ways...or selfishly the ways we had hoped.

May's been tumultuous, with but a single referral of which I am currently aware. I am pleased to hear of an Imagine staff trip to Ethiopia taking place at the beginning of June. (More on that to come later this week.) In a very personal opinion I feel that the in-the-flesh interaction is invaluable. The last trip was February which will place them 4 months apart (I'm sure you already did the math on that one)...I believe these trips are/were included in cash flow projections and, as the last one came in under budget I have no great concerns that this one will likely follow suit.

Earlier this month I panicked a bit over the thought of a two year update (yuck) and having to do it all over again, (minus the many many visits but one not-so-loved SW). I'm over it. Sucking it up. Realizing I've got nothing but time (well, that's not entirely true...but it works for now). Trying, truly and whole heartedly trying to gratefully accept the fact that for us - for our request - we hover around mid-twenties.

I've been trying to get to the bottom of the panicked "hurry up and happen" feeling deep down in my gut. The stress knots which form at the inability to change a situation. And I've been trying to get to the bottom of why this is happening. Why I cannot let it go and realize, understand, be hopeful and have some stinkin' faith. And the answer, mercifully is beginning to come to light.

More on this later but suffice to say I can't stand the wait not only for the sheer fact that this is an over two year journey (still) in the making, but that my Holy Discontent is getting the better of me. I am moved to want to scream to do something to help make a difference in this crisis. This orphan crisis. (More on that this week too, I suspect.) It's that I find it gritting to live in this "normal state" but rather feel stuck and unable to reach my "fundamental state"...due to the instability around developing countries, and rules, and laws, and legislation. But we can always blame someone else, can't we?

For now, I'll leave it at that. Holy Discontent. And elaborate later.

The Ethiopian Elections took place this weekend. It isn't suspected that the MOWA ban situation is related in any way to political change, but it will be interesting to see how much longer this ban does last...if orphanage closure will impact that soon, or if other guidelines will be implemented. All in time. Boy do I want her here. I yearn for the other side of the journey, the fork in the trail, the day when I can look back and say with certainty "oh yeah, so that's why it happened that way". And I know it will.

I love the quote offered by one ethiopian man concluding the article published by TIME, just prior to election day.

“I faced all of this because I want change. If you want change, you have to face difficulties and that’s what I chose.”

1 comment:

Chad, Laura and Sara said...

Oh, you are singing my song. When you made that post, I thought "yup, very possibly could be May for them, because mine is just around the corner...was that the phone ringing...RUN" - now I am more like "we were such fools to think that it could be that easy...was that the phone...who gives a crap."

L