The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.
-Buechner

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Agitation

I'm agitated.

Plain and simple.

I'm tired today, of seeking the silver lining. I realize it's all God's timing. That in all things He works for good. I believe, with faith as best I humanly can, that our daughter is out there. That the one created and placed aside for us is simply not yet ready to be called ours. I steadfastly hold to the truth of 1 Samuel 1:27, “For this child I prayed, and God has answered my prayer, and given me what I asked of Him".

Yet the wait is hard. The wait is harder when I see no real (and by real I mean tangible referral-wise) progress. The wait is more exhausting when I know I can do nothing. The wait is more frustrating when I don't know all the inner workings of all is being done on our behalf. The wait is more difficult when I watch as another day passes and see no change...though again, I am acutely aware that there are so many crucial yet minute steps being taken and done for good, for us.

Cummon already. Fifty one used to seem so close...yet today we still seem so far.

And now I'm done my rant for the week.

6 comments:

Joy and Geoff said...

Just wanted to comment - not sure I can say anything to lift the mood, but I do hear you! I love being able to take action when I have a goal, and just make it happen (usually sooner than later, so I can get it off my mind, and move on to the next thing). I have been acutely aware, over the past few months, that I have very little control over our adoption regardless of what I might try to "do" to move things along - that truth is still sinking in, despite staring me in the face every day. Even when little steps can be taken in adoption, continued progress ends up resting in the hands of others. I do hope I learn something about patience, peace, and surrender through all this - although I likely hold up the personal growth process by kicking & screaming a bit in resistance to just letting go, and letting things unfold as they will...Also, though, realizing that it is quite human to experience restlessness when waiting for the fulfillment of a dream - we would often be lying if we denied the presence of "agitation" :)

Yours Truly said...

UGH! Waiting is so difficult and can be so painful. Praying encouragement for you today.

Kimmyann said...

Having adopted 1 child three years ago domestically with an 18 month wait I think the closer you are the harder the wait becomes. I am currently at number 7 on my agencies wait list for a second child...however I have been 7 for atleast 5 months now (after waiting almost 18 months again at this point)and its agony somedays. When you get that referal a whole new set of anxiety will come and will ease a bit once you get your little girl in your arms.

chad said...

Want to start a club? Our theme song could be the "poor me" song - Hmmm and what would our club be called...?

I am right with you my dear - I am feeling really down lately and just can't seem to snap out of it.

Know that you are not alone,
L

Chad, Laura and Sara said...

Oop sorry, that last one was me, Laura - not some creapy guy trying to start a club with you...I used Chad's account by mistake.

Anna said...

It's o.k. to rant! Been there. The waiting is so hard. God has chosen your child for you already. Hang in there. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully you had a good chuckle from Laura's last comment (I did)!
Anna