The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.

Friday, April 16, 2010


I'm going away this weekend. Alone. All weekend. Sans kids. Sans other half. (That's the sad part...because, well, you know I love my kids but my husband lets me sleep in and doesn't require parent-directed play...constantly.) I'm excited. Staying in my own room...kiddie corner to a friends' condo. She'll pamper me - without even knowing many of the little things, she'll do it.

As I've spent the morning preparing to be away there's been a bit of hustle and bustle in the kitchen. Mentally, I figure if I want these semi-annual Mama weekends to continue, (and I feel it's justifiable to call it semi-annual...seeing as there was a first one in October and now this...hmmm maybe I'm jumping the gun, ) I need to prepare as much as is controllable. I cannot control what happens once I step out of the car but everything leading up to that point - I feel - falls on me.

Suppers for the next two night are ready. Laundry's done. Dishes cleaned up. While I've been movin' about trying to prep, however, my mind's been wandering. Last time I did this we were just post-restructuring plan. We were still in the limbo phase of what next...who...when...will it actually solidify?


Imagine Adoption.

Our Adoption.

Now, we're hovering around 24 on the list. Where will we be in the journey come this October? Will going away be a possibility...will I be, not in Sydney but rather Africa? Will we still be waiting? How many of the question marks will have transformed into exclamation points?!

I was also directed to a Rainy Day some insight. To some friendly reminders. To a smile and an uh-huh nod (to myself). Check out this week's post. Because after a comment I received about a week ago from an very casual acquaintance, ("Did you ever get that baby of yours"...makes you cringe doesn't it? like she's a commodity or something,) J thoughts were a breath of fresh air.

And, what I really loved...

[...] There's this notion that adopting internationally is trendy because a few celebrities have done so. However, far more celebrities have had biological children, and no one responds to pregnant women with "You're just like Reese Witherspoon!" For some reason adoption seems to invite responses that sound unnatural, at least to me.

I often get questions about why we chose Ethiopia. Why not domestic? Why not China? Why not a surrogate? The thing about adoption is, there is no easy way. Domestic can take years and have numerous complications as can International. All of the "solutions" have their obstacles. More importantly, it's none of your business. It's true, I just told you to mind your own bees wax. I used to be really open about why we chose Ethiopia.[...]

The other question I receive a lot is "Why?" In all fairness it's usually preceded by "If it's not too personal can I ask?" Again, I've tried to be very diplomatic in my answers. I do wonder though if diplomacy is the way to go. How could that not be a personal question? No matter what your reasons are for adopting aren't they always personal? No one asks pregnant women "Why?" So maybe adoptive parents should be exempt from this line of questioning as well. Chances are we're either infertile and we chose to, or we're not infertile and we chose to adopt. So really what you're asking is are we infertile? Which yes, is a very personal question.

[...] I still classify [(our) adoption] as a deeply personal experience, and one I would encourage more people to exercise respect around. I suppose at the core of it, whether intended or not I find many questions we face disrespectful. [...] However, please don't take my openness to mean asking the lady next to you at the grocery store 'Why doesn't your baby look like you?", is an appropriate question. Take it from me, you'll look like a nincompoop.

Well Said.

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