The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.
-Buechner

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Twenty-Nine

Is the word 'twenty-nine' even supposed to be hyphenated? I'm not sure. I'm also not sure I care to look it up. Usually ornery enough to want to inquire and see if spell-check is recommended, I can truthfully admit I never anticipated having to type the letters forming those above two words. I recall a family receiving a referral for a (requested) infant after just slightly longer than this wait and thinking naively, "I'm glad our range is more open than that". It was only a few short months ago that the thought (and referral!) took place...yet I'd give my left arm to know we were only a couple of weeks away from a call. The Call.

Yet we're not*. We are months from our call - at best. Of this I am certain. As of three weeks ago we were not matched and it was not anticipated that we would be at this point in time. It's a bit of a pill to swallow. Knowing that after nearly two and a half dozen months DTE, we still aren't matched. After increasing our age acceptance range, no difference (seemingly) was made. A few days short of three years marking the start of this journey, (ie: writing cheque number one) we are still feeling - though knowing in reality it is not true - as though we are at square one. (Okay so the royal "we" could mean "I" in this situation - some of "us" are more even-keeled and optimistic than others...just saying.)

Looking back does no good. Stagnating in the now and dwelling in the pity of it doesn't change anything either. Focusing forward whilst enjoying the here and now, (for we are all healthy, happy, blessed beyond measure, and looking forward to shared family moments just around the corner) is the only road to take. Pity, really, should not be an option or in the realm of thought.

Asking for much prayer. Hoping for a miracle in the form of a phone call - sooner than later - is the phenomenon to which we cling.

We enjoy the small moments - those glimpses of daily miracles we miss, simply because of their frequency. The bubbles blown, the tooth stain originally thought to be a cavity, the popsicle enjoyed on a snowy day, the reality of a statutory declaration not having to be paid twice over within a two week period- though an integral notary would not backdate a document, a merger which will increase the viability of a phenomenal agency which has risen from the ashes and who will now boast leadership in the form of an executive director. The list continues. (As do the run-on sentences, apparently.) These are moments on which we must focus...or else we lose our focus.

There you have it: thoughts at twenty-nine months. Hyphenated or not, here's to another month ahead...a month of prayer and joy, a month of movement and angels dancing.


*no, Imagine did not divulge that information directly to me. the source, however is as reliable as they come.

2 comments:

BCMommy said...

Funny, I was going to ask how you knew that info, then I read your little disclaimer.
I wish I had a reliable source.. feel free to ask your source about me (he he)
It sucks thinking you might be so close, and not knowing if you are just kidding yourself. That's how I feel...are we really close? Or am I setting myself up for more, prolonged heartache?

Sigh. It just doesn't get easier, does it? i wish I had something cheery and more positive to say to you, but I just don't. It is what it is.

Here's hoping 'thirty' goes better.
At least there's no debate about hyphening!
Claire

elsie hiebert said...

Oh Ashleigh. It can all be so discouraging. It's hard to believe that you have been waiting this long. I like your spirit though. You are an encourgement to everyone that reads your blogs. I pray for a miracle soon. I just wish referals would start again. Silence always makes me worry.