Warm And Fuzzy

Well, it came.

From my Win several weeks ago...it all finally arrived.

And my only regret is that I didn't order more.

It's lovely and bright and makes my heart warm.

Oh the two referrals (that affect us!) just announced also warm my heart. Thank you Lord.

What doesn't warm my heart is the somewhat substantiated rumour that there will be five (adoption) cases processed per day now, whereas up until now there have been forty per day. Whoa. That's bad news bears, if you were to ask one certain four year old, (rhetorically his Mama agrees).

I cannot let it bother me as I've not heard it from our horse's mouth, but suffice to say it's out of our hands and we can do nothing but pray about it. Could you too? Cutting to five from forty would be like a(nother) kick in the gut.

But He is Sovereign and we have to rest in that certainty.

Window Washer Extraordinaire

Apparently in BC we get extra creative with our (ah hem, unwanted) snow.

Twenty-Nine

Is the word 'twenty-nine' even supposed to be hyphenated? I'm not sure. I'm also not sure I care to look it up. Usually ornery enough to want to inquire and see if spell-check is recommended, I can truthfully admit I never anticipated having to type the letters forming those above two words. I recall a family receiving a referral for a (requested) infant after just slightly longer than this wait and thinking naively, "I'm glad our range is more open than that". It was only a few short months ago that the thought (and referral!) took place...yet I'd give my left arm to know we were only a couple of weeks away from a call. The Call.

Yet we're not*. We are months from our call - at best. Of this I am certain. As of three weeks ago we were not matched and it was not anticipated that we would be at this point in time. It's a bit of a pill to swallow. Knowing that after nearly two and a half dozen months DTE, we still aren't matched. After increasing our age acceptance range, no difference (seemingly) was made. A few days short of three years marking the start of this journey, (ie: writing cheque number one) we are still feeling - though knowing in reality it is not true - as though we are at square one. (Okay so the royal "we" could mean "I" in this situation - some of "us" are more even-keeled and optimistic than others...just saying.)

Looking back does no good. Stagnating in the now and dwelling in the pity of it doesn't change anything either. Focusing forward whilst enjoying the here and now, (for we are all healthy, happy, blessed beyond measure, and looking forward to shared family moments just around the corner) is the only road to take. Pity, really, should not be an option or in the realm of thought.

Asking for much prayer. Hoping for a miracle in the form of a phone call - sooner than later - is the phenomenon to which we cling.

We enjoy the small moments - those glimpses of daily miracles we miss, simply because of their frequency. The bubbles blown, the tooth stain originally thought to be a cavity, the popsicle enjoyed on a snowy day, the reality of a statutory declaration not having to be paid twice over within a two week period- though an integral notary would not backdate a document, a merger which will increase the viability of a phenomenal agency which has risen from the ashes and who will now boast leadership in the form of an executive director. The list continues. (As do the run-on sentences, apparently.) These are moments on which we must focus...or else we lose our focus.

There you have it: thoughts at twenty-nine months. Hyphenated or not, here's to another month ahead...a month of prayer and joy, a month of movement and angels dancing.

*no, Imagine did not divulge that information directly to me. the source, however is as reliable as they come.

Slowly...And With Patience

A morning with Crazy Auntie Steph...and a little bird seed.

"Because those big white bad birds like bread...so we can't bring bread Mama, we have to bring the seed!" Tait reminded us all. (Uh, when they fly overhead they're all bad birds, kiddo.)

Hmmm, not unlike this journey, those pigeons sure do take awhile to do whatcha' want.

"Heeeere little pigeon...come here little pigeon," repeated one small five year old.

He had the patience of Job.

Though I'm quite certain that is not what finally enticed them.

{my parents own a place on granville right near the market...and since they live out of the country most of the year, we have the privilege of heading over and enjoying it}

Cityscape

There are few things as breath-taking as a beautiful, clear Vancouver morning. I would anticipate - in a different way - an Ethiopian morning would be beautiful, too.

A girl can dream, can't she?

Not The Sticks...

...because some mornings it's fun to wake up somewhere different.

Something Gave

There have been many moments along the way when I've thought to myself, "something has got to give...we can't keep _____" (waiting, paying more legal fees, holding on, wondering, hoping, etc).

The seemingly incessant, continual requirement of updating documents, accepting new policies or requirements can wear on a girl after awhile. "Effective immediately" are words I could live without. The adrenaline rush - while sometimes a welcome change to the pace of a slow day - can become nauseating, exhausting, and downright stressful.

So, while the most recent requirement was another tiresome reminder of the "more more more" theme of this journey, it didn't add as much stress as in the past. I wasn't as bothered. The thought of more paperwork, a visit to our friendly notary, and more fees didn't get me as tightly wound as I would have anticipated. And I even waited expectantly for that feeling of stress so often embodied in a migraine. But nothing - other than a strange sense of peace.

Very odd.

Perhaps I'm becoming numb. Perhaps I truly feel it is one step closer. Perhaps...maybe...it was a whole lot of prayer (not just ours).

Regardless, I felt a calmness about it. Sure, there was plenty of phoning and running around and emailing - all with haste...but not with the usual "ARGH!" mentality.

And whaddya know...it really was all okay. (Insert heavy-laden sarcasm here.)

Our notary, with uncompromising integrity, signed, dated, and sealed a new document - free of charge.

And though a payment had been made two weeks ago, (two weeks people!) the process for which it was paying hasn't been completed and so that nearly $300 fee will not have to be made again.

The ducks are lining up. Everything is falling in to place. All is now quiet on the western front (for now, anyway).

God's sovereignty is tangibly evident once again.

Like there was ever any doubt.

It Doesn't Grow On Trees. And It Is Only Money.

It appears there may need to be some more forking over of that really useful stuff...what's it called again?

Oh right: money.

In an effort not to let something I cannot change get me all in a bind (because nearly $300 twice in nearly as many weeks is enough to make a girl cringe), I'm reminding myself of the important and truthful facts of the matter:

• I did not enter this world with any
• I certainly will not leave this world with any
• If more t's crossed and i's dotted is what it takes, then that's what we'll do
• Paperwork shmaperwork...I am up for the challenge...and if the name of the game is loopholes, policies, and procedures then I guess I'm in. It is getting a little exhausting though.

We, uh, somewhat enjoyed our Soccer Saturday: The Second Edition.

The practice and game were great.

The rain...not so much.

The liquid sun did not deter one small five year old from playing his heart out. He was the last man standing when the game was called...five minutes before it should have actually ended.

That's what happens when two of the seven players remain on the field. The others (understandably) left for home...were in tears...or refused to play as the feeling in their poor little hands had departed several minutes prior.

The fresh air was still wonderful. (Three out of four members in this household agreed.)

And we live in BC...what did we expect? At least it wasn't minus 20.

Trusting Again. With A Capital "T".

trust

[truhst]

-noun

1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence
2. confident expectation of something; hope
3. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust
4. the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust

This journey which has, from day one, claimed to not be for the faint of heart is more like a journey not for the faint of faith. Imagine has merged (well, has started the process of doing so) with Mission Of Tears.

When I first lay eyes on the title of the email early this week, my heart skipped a beat. In a good way. Light in the future. Hope of a future. Strength in numbers - staff, finances, years of experience combined with knowledge - was one of my first thoughts.

I am intuitive. My gut is very often right. I have learned to trust it and it has not failed me in the past.

I read through the Press Release and the FAQs and while there were approximately a million questions (give or take), the feeling of "this is good...this will be good" resounded within my gut, my heart, and my head. (I could be in the minority...)

Growing pains? Likely.

Perfect? No. (What is?!)

Ideal? Definitely not. (I think we kissed ideal goodbye in July 2009.)

Sadness intertwined? Yes. (We will have to say goodbye to several staff who have seen us through thick and thin...all the while supporting us families to the best of their ability.)

Immediately after the bankruptcy I had some brief communication with MOT and I felt supported and encouraged. I am thankful for this opportunity. I am grateful for hope of a future of experiencing wee Ethiopian orphans united with family...of experiencing the miracle of our wee Ethiopian united with her family. I have to remain confident...because this was the plan all along. Although likely none of us saw it coming.

So, there you have it...a merger.

Trusting another new agency.

Hoping for our miracles.

Praying with faith and knowing with confidence that this has always been part of the plan.

Bits And Pieces

Bits and Pieces from the day...

Tait, on the way to bed:

Mama! I am so excited for tomorrow to come. I get to go to the dentist.

If only we all had the excitement of a sweetly naive just-four year old. I was reminded that it is a privilege not a right, to receive medical care. Thank you little man.

Noah, on the way home from school:

Mama, did you know when you go to heaven you get a new body? The bumps and bruises are all gone and you are good as new.

Through the tragic passing of his classmate's sister, I am certain this five year old has learned more in the past two weeks about death and loss than I did in all my elementary years.

Shared by an ever-encouraging friend after some frustrating yet not overly surprising news this afternoon:

The writer of Hebrews reminds us that without faith it is impossible to please God (Heb 11:6). Whenever God reveals something, He expects us to believe Him and adjust our lives accordingly. What does this mean? It means we trust Him implicitly for all of our needs, because He says He will provide (Phil 4:19). It means we approach crises with the assurance that God will bring good from them (Rom 8:28). It means we overcome anxiety during stressful situations because God instructs us to bring our requests to Him (Phil 4:6). It means that we never worry that we are alone, because God said He would never leave us or forsake us (Deut. 31:6). It means that, despite what happens in our lives, we will never doubt God's love because He has told us that He loves us with an everlasting love (Jer 31:3).

Another First: The Soccer Saturday Edition

Shin guards still on, he's beaming - grinning from ear to ear.

{warming up}

The practice/game combo ended four and a half hours ago.

{my new calling in life:

develop and patent a velco cleat...this lace up stuff gets old, quick}

Never has one small boy been so excited about a game not won.

Another Noah on his team, they wondered what to nickname him. It took moments to contemplate, "Wheels". Later on, within these four walls, it was determined that perhaps "Beckham" would be more appropriate.

{if you know me, you know i'm looking at the wee man in the background

...and anticipating}

You see, we grow 'em small around here. But boy, can they run. Ah hem, he...boy, can he run.

There will be Saturday morning moments in the life of this small family upon which we will reflect with joy. This shall be one. This one was for the books.

Joining the season halfway through, no one would have known.

A loss of 3 - 6 was no biggie: he scored all 3 goals.

The purchase of Rawlings cleats was a highlight: until this Mama was made aware of her rookie mistake. (Well, how was I to know Rawlings only makes baseball cleats?!) Apparently a cleat isn't simply a cleat. Yet, they worked just fine. (Plus, now they'll come in handy for two seasons.)

The animation emanating from each move, more than made up for the face plant which blurred...morphed...into the second goal.

The sheer revelry personified in the lifting ("scores!!") and the high-fiving of little arms was incredible.

Saturday morning's have evolved for us.

I could easily embrace the new role of Soccer Mama.

Now, if I could just remember the right brand of cleats. Oh yeah - and patent velcro cleats.

Lego Anyone?

The Post Entitled: I May Lose My Ever Loving Mind

Another snag.

Another setback.

Another hiccup, speed bump, sleeping policeman (did you know that's what they call them in England?), in the road - the journey.

I'd call it another "path less taken" but I think this path was deserted until now.

And so we wait longer (likely 4 weeks until any sort of movement) and we pray harder. (Could you, too?) Interesting - though not surprising, each time I ask for some sort of indication that this is truly the path we should follow, it is confirmed - hiccups and all.This morning was no different.

Yes, remain faithful.

Maintain confidence in what we cannot see.

Faith is a tough one, isn't it. I have come to realize - or believe - that it is a muscle we cannot ever stop exercising. It requires continual attention, love, care, attention, devotion.

Throughout a couple days of combined bliss through someone else's joy, coupled with the reminder of our ever-continued wait, I was (silently) counselled that indeed this is our path, our journey, our intended direction.

Seeking distraction, a change in pace and routine, and a desire to remain peaceful (amidst the 2 day headache which yes, has been named - though it doesn't need to be made known), we threw a delightful wrench into our daily tea time.

Yes, that's right: two small boys and daily tea. Often "guzzled", we take these few minutes together each and every late afternoon. And, if the time nears and the words have not yet been spoken, one small now-four-year-old reminds, "Mama!! We forgot tea!". It is a daily indulgence which is close to our hearts. Not originally intended to take on such importance, I truly cannot recall the reason it was birthed. But it is here now and I suspect it will remain for years to come.

It is ours.

It is lovely.

Often this burst of calm between the barrage of winter bickering, take place between periods of little boy hockey, soccer (yes both indoor), colouring and puzzle making. Yesterday, we needed a change.

So we took it outside.

Filling tumblers and sipping as we walked in the beauty of the sun.

Tea was taken outside in the chilly sun of the late afternoon.

And the attempt not to lose my ever loving mind while following this deserted, yet faith-filled path of ours was if nothing else, temporarily successful.