The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.
-Buechner

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Things Dreams Are Made Of

"When do you think you first wanted to adopt" my Dad asked me as we were sitting in our Luftansa aircraft yesterday.

I mulled it over for several seconds but really I knew the answer. And blinked back a few tears while digesting the question and preparing the answer.

"Subconsciously...probably forever." And that's true. And the tears came from a place deep down because I know that many times, so very many times, I (we) nearly lost our grip and sight of the dream. This dream.

While I can pinpoint the moment we jumped in faith for this one, there's always been a piece of my heart that has ached for children - for my (unknown) child perhaps - and I've felt the insatiable desire to do something about it.

And here's what I've learned - and continue to learn. And here's what we as a family have also learned in very recent months and weeks and days: You have to leap.

You have to do the things that scare you and hurt you and give way to uncertainty and especially to fear.

And you certainly have to do all these things if they are the things which your dreams are made of.

Because here's the thing folks, if you can't leap...if you can't say you're seeking to achieve and strive and ache for your dream, you're never gonna feel the real and raw adrenaline of your life.

The stuff of dreams - that's the stuff our lives (my life!) should be made of. The fulfillment is unparalleled.

It's scary and messy and exhausting and it will push you to the brink.

To. The. Brink.

But the rewards, the growth, the "this is it" sensation and firm knowledge that this is what you should be doing and how you should be living...they are greater than any scare, mess, or exhaustion.

I'm here telling you this because I'm living it. We've survived (conquered) the system and we've pushed through. Not on our own strength certainly...but here I sit in the middle of Addis in the middle of my dream being realized.

March was horrific. And so was February. November was full of tears as was July 2009 and the many months that followed it.

And yesterday, today, tomorrow, Thursday, Friday and the days that ensue: they are the dream being lived out.

The high that isn't the caffeine. I am living the high that isn't caffeine but rather the knowledge that God's will and desire and grace and dream for us - is coinciding (or rather being obediently followed by and) with ours.

So jump. Leap for pete's sake. If it hurts and you want to scream and cry but the burning inside you tells you to press on, then press on.

Press on.

If you do, you will make it to your Addis. To your orphanage. To your child. You will be a stronger more content and fulfilled and life-filled person. You will know that you are capable of more. You will see bigger.

And you will dream bigger!

Tomorrow at 10am.

That's the thing my dream is made of right now...the meeting we have in less than 24 hours.


8 comments:

Sarah said...

Ashleigh, this post is so beautiful. Thank you for giving hope to those of us in the stages behind your family that this can and will happen - and enjoy every moment with your daughter!

darci said...

Beautiful, indeed. You had me in tears. It is a miracle that you are sitting where you are...maybe at the moment I type this you already hold your sweet daughter. (I hope so!) you are so right...to just keep pressing on thru the grief and pain and what seems like impossibility..but now you are THERE! God is good. Darci

Kelly said...

Ashleigh,
I am encouraged by your words.
What a sweet day it is today... breath it all in.
Enjoy holding your sweet babe.
Kelly

Sharla said...

This is so perfect! God's plan aligning with your dream and coming together for this time...

I hope that what you've written encourages others not to give up on the dream.

Dana said...

Leaping. Thanks for this.

Melissa Waechter said...

wow...you are an encouragment. Thank you for allowing God to use you to touch our lives with His and your words..

Melissa said...

I don't usually comment, but wanted to say that I love this post. I am somewhere suspended between leaping and landing and it is mighty uncomfortable. Having the reminder of what I am leaping towards is a really good thing.

One of my favourite quotes: "Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith." ~ Margaret Shepard.

Enjoy these days!

Anna said...

I love your testimony of your leap in faith!