Ups And Downs, Ins And Outs, Frustrations And Elations, Anticipation and Exhaustion

I'm not sure where to start.

I posted a few days ago my excitement at the fact that our 2yr homestudy update is now complete and should have at this time reached Imagine. Pat on the back Ms Type A for getting this bad boy out the door a mere 5 or 6 weeks early. I was not, in no uncertain terms going to allow for any delays on my watch. For a few fleeting moments I felt the same high as on Sept 23, 2008 when our dossier arrived in Ethiopia.

I was suddenly thrown back in to present day and the knowledge that though there was a great little flurry of referral activity several weeks ago...several weeks ago. We are now in no man's land again and drought-ville is getting this Mama down in the dumps.

I know, I know people that referrals are on the horizon. There are many in wait. They are sitting there needing a bit more documentation. I realize we are signing (have signed?) a contract with a new orphanage. In my mind these are all really really great things.

But the question still needs to be asked: How Long?

How long does one wait for "the next best thing"?

From a...

• bankruptcy to creditors meeting
• creditors meeting to a restructuring plan
• restructuring plan to a voted acceptance from the majority of families
• from acceptance to re-accreditation
• from re-accreditation to re-established orphanage and other Ethiopian relationships
• from re-established relationships to referrals
• from referrals to a ban
• from a ban to new legislation post-ban (let's not forget the second trip policy established during this time)

My heart is weary.

My mind, in my rational mind I know that patience is the name of the game. That we are on the brink of movement. That I must must must keep the faith, as I've been reminded many times over.

I also know that, as was commented by a good friend the other day after a post that I believe in whole-heartedly, "there are no orphans in the world, Satan wants them all". I know this. But my heart aches and breaks and screams at the injustice that is this wait. And I do believe it is a battle between good and evil. And I do want to kick Satan's a%&.

And I do want win. We have to win.

But right now I'm down, out, frustrated, and exhausted.

So perhaps a little prayer. Could you offer a little up on our behalf? Because I'm not sure how much longer I can be up, in, elated, or excited. What I do know is that there is a little girl out there whose face I do not know, whose name and age I am not aware, but who is meant to be ours. Whose body I am meant to hold tight. Whose heart will be mine to protect. And for whom I must stand steadfast in this some days excruciating journey.