The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.
-Buechner

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Ups And Downs, Ins And Outs, Frustrations And Elations, Anticipation and Exhaustion

I'm not sure where to start.

I posted a few days ago my excitement at the fact that our 2yr homestudy update is now complete and should have at this time reached Imagine. Pat on the back Ms Type A for getting this bad boy out the door a mere 5 or 6 weeks early. I was not, in no uncertain terms going to allow for any delays on my watch. For a few fleeting moments I felt the same high as on Sept 23, 2008 when our dossier arrived in Ethiopia.

I was suddenly thrown back in to present day and the knowledge that though there was a great little flurry of referral activity several weeks ago...several weeks ago. We are now in no man's land again and drought-ville is getting this Mama down in the dumps.

I know, I know people that referrals are on the horizon. There are many in wait. They are sitting there needing a bit more documentation. I realize we are signing (have signed?) a contract with a new orphanage. In my mind these are all really really great things.

But the question still needs to be asked: How Long?

How long does one wait for "the next best thing"?

From a...
  • bankruptcy to creditors meeting
  • creditors meeting to a restructuring plan
  • restructuring plan to a voted acceptance from the majority of families
  • from acceptance to re-accreditation
  • from re-accreditation to re-established orphanage and other Ethiopian relationships
  • from re-established relationships to referrals
  • from referrals to a ban
  • from a ban to new legislation post-ban (let's not forget the second trip policy established during this time)
My heart is weary.

My mind, in my rational mind I know that patience is the name of the game. That we are on the brink of movement. That I must must must keep the faith, as I've been reminded many times over.

I also know that, as was commented by a good friend the other day after a post that I believe in whole-heartedly, "there are no orphans in the world, Satan wants them all". I know this. But my heart aches and breaks and screams at the injustice that is this wait. And I do believe it is a battle between good and evil. And I do want to kick Satan's a%&.

And I do want win. We have to win.

But right now I'm down, out, frustrated, and exhausted.

So perhaps a little prayer. Could you offer a little up on our behalf? Because I'm not sure how much longer I can be up, in, elated, or excited. What I do know is that there is a little girl out there whose face I do not know, whose name and age I am not aware, but who is meant to be ours. Whose body I am meant to hold tight. Whose heart will be mine to protect. And for whom I must stand steadfast in this some days excruciating journey.

3 comments:

Gretta said...

Oh friend, please know that I pray for you. I pray often. There is a battle beyond you going on, and yes, Satan wants your little girl (and all others just waiting in the orphanages). God will be victorious. She is out there waiting for your love. Meanwhile, God is working in you too. There's a purpose beyond what you can fathom. I continue to pray.

elsie hiebert said...

I will pray for you every time I pray for myself. My patience is also once again wearing thin but my hopes keep building and building.

Mrs Changstein said...

You will win. You ARE winning. It sucks way more emotional energy that anyone would think or guess. You're not alone. That's the best part.

Feel free to get in touch anytime!

Cindy