Thirteen Thousand Three Hundred And Sixty One

The kilometric distance between Crofton, BC and Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

When you put it like that, it doesn't seem so bad.

Besides, there are Ten Thousand Two Hundred And Sixty Four kilometers between myself and my parents.

And, there are a mere Four Thousand Two Hundred and Twenty One kilometers between our house and Ben's parents...and they live in the same country as us! All we have to do is get to them and we're almost a third of the way to our baby.

I'm having "one of those weeks".

It's the kind I read about but thought, "that's weak".

It's not.

It's human.

Waiting sucks.

Unknown-time-remaining-waiting is truly the pits.

I'm tired of waiting. I'm exhausted from wondering if she'll be 6 weeks, 6 months, or 11 1/2 months when she is referred. I'm tired of walking past the oh-so-adorable kiddie clothes in Old Navy, Joe, or our favourite consignment store, and continuing on - not allowing myself a second look. I'm really tired of wondering when the day will come, when I will be allowed to browse through.

I'm tired of reading up on African hair products, do's, and regimes.

I'm frustrated from wondering when I can tell Noah that we are finally going to get his baby sister. He asked what her name was the other day and I couldn't tell him. (It's chosen...just not shared beyond our bedroom walls.)

"They" say it's good to set goals, get things done, keep busy during this time of waiting. (They, would be the professionals...some have been through the waiting, many have not.) I have to admit my house is exceptionally clean this week. I've purged the cupboards, dusted the top of the fridge even. I have discarded anything rancid, dried, or expired. All that's left are the windows and the car. I may leave them for another day...as I think we've got several of them ahead of us.

For now, it's somewhat of a comfort to know that between us and our child lies a mere 33,361 km. I can deal with tangible much more comfortably than the unknown measurement of time, which also lies between us.