On This Eve Of A New Year

I'm not much into making "New Year's Resolutions". Honestly, I feel that by making them I almost tempt myself into breaking them. Goals, sure. Hopes and dreams, definitely. Resolutions...not so much for me.

I do have to admit, I think I am getting a little hung up on words.

And though obviously it doesn't, I often think that my New Year begins in September. It's the end of the summer which is insanely busy for us. Always. And though the fall has not marked the start of a school term for me in the last seven years (eek), it still has this fresh, crisp, tabula rasa feeling about it.

So maybe I'm one of the lucky ones who can claim to celebrate two New Years each year?

Regardless, I do make goals. I do set new standards. I do try to achieve better. That's it.

Simply better.

Each year I strive to be a better Mum. More patient, creative, funny, goofy, educational, loving. Maybe I am achieving that goal with baby steps.

Each year I strive to be a better Wife. More supportive, empathetic, caring, encouraging, laid back.

Each year I strive to be a better Self. Run further, eat healthier, relax more, face the screen of technology less and the smiles of my family more, enjoy those still small moments, laugh harder, smile often, seek the silver lining.

There's that saying most of us know:

If I Just...

• If I just had a better car
• If I just had more time
• If I just did this or that (exercising, encouraging, laughing, caring, praying) more often
• If I just had more money
• If I just worked harder
• If I just got more involved
  

But the clencher is that once we achieve whatever it is we "just want" (or think we "just want"), there's always more. It's usually bigger or better. We think we'll be happy if we "just". But we won't.

So, instead of falling into that, I am simply trying to learn to be content, confident, and crazy in love with me...just as I am...the way I was created...guards down more often...enjoying simplicity of the real life.

Praying hard.

Playing hard.

Loving hard.

Working hard.

Seeking the genuine hard truths of this life.

We only get one shot...did you know?!

And, while I think it's important to strive to be better - to work toward our goals - I will take it in stride. Knowing that it won't make me a better person simply by being these things. There will be more baby steps forward, than backward. If by nothing other than sheer stubbornness, I will be more true to myself and my God. I will give back more than I receive. I will honour those who deserve honour. I will seek to look inside before outside, when meeting new people and befriending old ones.

When I think of the true heroes, the unsung soles who deserve more credit than they receive (but who likely don't want it anyway)...when I think of the people who have made a difference in our world - whether through orphan care, african aid, environmental actions, animal rights, etc - ...when I think of those who I strive to more closely resemble...I am sure that I don't even know who those real heros, martyrs, or selfless souls are. Because, they are leading by example quietly. They don't want praise. They don't want to be noticed. They are growing selflessly through what they do for others.

I want to be more like that. I don't want to be a hero but someone who serves like a hero. I want to work to be an "others-first" kinda' girl. And, I don't want to be seen.

My goal is to go quietly, silently in this world of chaos and grow.