The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Forward Facing

I'm not a fan of making New Year's resolutions. Maybe it's because it often feels like we break more than we make. Or, we sometimes set ourselves up for failure...putting so much pressure on those three words, we attempt the near impossible. Set our sights too high and fall short, in our opinion.

I do, however, love goals. I don't often share them for fear of falling short but when I do verbalize them, I force myself to carry through (...hence a full marathon...hence a "this may end us" adoption succeeding...etc). And so, while the ironic (planned?!) word "goals" may seem like a silly cop-out to you, I'm posting this and the word "goal" sits better than "resolution" to me. Plus, "resolution" makes me feel in many ways, like I've failed and must re-attempt certain things. I don't regret anything in my life and don't feel a "redo" is necessary. So, for my peace of mind and the sake of an argument...they are "goals" people...and they are being concocted on the cusp of a new year.

And so, while looking back at the most up and down year, which is ending as possibly "up" as we could have imagined, I want to enjoy every moment - all the while, never losing sight of new goals, desires for self-improvement, and seeking to find maybe just a wee bit more joy in each day.

I want to run again. Yes, the runner...ah hem...falling behind. It's been a busy fall. Isn't that everyone's excuse though? Seriously though, it's been nuts. And, in the same breathe I apparently haven't prioritized all my time. (Of which there isn't that much to play around with!) Babies (sorry, a baby)and cross-Rockies moves will do this to a girl. But it's been three months (has it really already been three months?!) and we have settled into routine so I now need to find my own rhythm and routine during the non-kiddie-waking hours. More diligence is needed for sure. Here and there I've found time - made the time?! - but it needs to be consistent. Perhaps an hour less sleep wouldn't actually kill me.

I want to say "yes" more. Pause during whatever important (and likely not as important) task I am doing and reply "yes" to whatever my little people are asking...a game, help with a word search, a story, yes even a whimper to be picked up at the end of the day or in the throws of making supper. "Yes" should predominate.

I will raise my voice less.

I want to clean my house at night more - you know, the end of the day tidy that is often just too much at the end of the day - so when we get up in the morning and come downstairs, everything is in it's place. Well, nearly everything. I'm human after all.

I'd like to eat less sugar. We don't eat much but it's of no use to our bodies and serves no purpose in our lives.

I'd will dress a little nicer. Not for me. For those who have to look at me, I will choose a sweater over a hoodie some days. I will chose the dark wash jeans instead of the acid wash pair (way to branch out, eh?!). I will leave my hair down (literally and perhaps figuratively speaking) more often. I will give just a minute more to my appearance than I do now. Not because I'm vain but because we often feel better when we look better. And that makes us healthier and when we're healthier we are happier and when we are happier we are better friends and I want to be a better friend. (Wow. That got intense.) And, while these little people have no dress code I don't like my four year old asking if we are going somewhere on the days I haphazardly chose a sweater over my Lulu attire.

I want to be more purposeful in what I do. Less Facebook (stupid Facebook) and more constructive use of my time (hence the running thing). More time spent on learning, feeding my heart, soul, and brain. Educating me on my passions. I want to help others more through this. I've started and can't wait to see fruition.

I have to do something for our daughter's country, orphanage, cause (the cause of the orphan that is), and/or family who raised her before we were passed the privilege. To not do this would be nothing short of disrespectful and ungrateful. And the ache of removing her from her first never ceases.

As I face the year ahead I want to feed my Holy Discontent...and somehow, I'd like to fumble around in the dark less (in search of said Discontent) and be silent while perhaps waiting for it to make it's way to me. We often lose sight of such phenomena don't we? In search of that which fuels the fire, we busy ourselves. Over-involvement. Here there and of course, everywhere. In hopes of finding that one extraordinary thing which calls our name quietly at first and then more intensely as time passes, and which quenches the desire to make a difference in our world, family, life, liturgy.

So there.

Facing forward I am so very grateful for our year.

And looking ahead, with anticipation, I know there are Great Plans.


sarah said...

Loved this post. I love that the new year brings so many people to introspection and reevaluation of priorities. Thanks for sharing your goals. I'm inspired now!

darci said...

love this too! yes, always facing forward! so much ahead and there is never any good in looking excited for what this new year holds for both of us! God has been so good to us. LOVE the one of just saying yes to our kids more...I am with you there. Someimtes (esp lately) I am just so 'busy' getting stuff done i pass right by the really important stuff...