And the milk expired yesterday but still doesn't smell sour...so do I buy another jug or do we roll the dice on the true lifespan of our 1%?
These are questions and thoughts which would only run through the mind of a girl getting ready to journey far far away. What a privilege.
As the number of days remaining dwindle, the question "are you so excited?!" crops up time and again. And my answer remains: mentally yes, I cannot wait. Emotionally, I'm not there yet.
My hope, my prayer, my desire, my longing, my dream, and my goal is to live in every moment there. I want to feel the ache and sadness that will inevitably surround our every move outside the Guest House. I want to savour the smell and taste of the rich coffee while in it's country of origin and as I soak in the strong african heat. I want to listen to the children...to long to help each one and ache knowing it's not possible. I want to breathe the dusty air. I want to wake early (maybe just once) to the mosques in the wee hours as their bells ring out. I want to live in each moment as much as I possibly can, knowing that not long from now it will all resemble a dream. I want my mind to remember in detail, what I saw exactly as I looked down that alley, looked up at that window, looked over at that clothes line. I want to connect in as much as possible with our little girl.
I don't know what it will be like exactly, to see her, hear her, touch her, whisper to her and then have to leave her. I've not gone there. I'm not sure I will. Each moment will unravel and I want to live in them...not anticipate the next or mourn the last.
We're in countdown mode...only a few more days, two more loads of laundry, one more trip to town (uh...that could morph into two), one more night off, a couple of suitcases to fill, several batteries to charge, many (!) itunes movies to download, a couple more boxes to tick off...we're definitely in countdown mode now.
Most items needing to be packed are somewhere within the walls of our home. Those missing are on the final "to do" list. While trying to decide how best to photo journal each part of this journey, a friend and I brainstormed just a little. And so it was decided that she will come journal this part of our journey to our daughter, by way of her Canon. She'll make appearances to capture moments we would likely have overlooked, in our near future as well...possibly the decorating of a nursery, maybe a celebration in anticipation, most certainly our arrival on canadian soil. These moments are quickly forgotten but each one plays part in the miracle of our adoption.