I've come to realize - perhaps it's an age thing, or a recent life experience, or observation of friends' crazy awesome decisions, or a simple glance over to our (new) family room at a wee girl, in our (new to us) house in our (new) city - but regardless of who we are or the path we've chosen, it's all so very finite.
Not unlike the thoughts here, I (try!!) daily, to seek fulfillment of passion(s). As more friends, family, acquaintances meet Makeda - especially those who hoped, prayed, cried, laughed, ached with us for years through the wait - I am reminded of the definable time we will spend here. Alive. Not to sound overly morbid but that's reality, right?
Making the decision to move, to uproot our children (even the one not yet home), to pack up one.big.house. to move to another we hadn't yet seen (oh yes, we bought it sight unseen), leaving the only place we had ever known as a married couple and family...that was difficult. Excruciating in some ways.
And for me, it took another one of those "we can't nearly miss it" trains of thought.
Because who wants to look back five years and wonder "what if". No thanks.
And who wants to do something without whole-hearted, full-on, make-your-heart-ache passion? Nope.
We were in a situation which we loved. We were comfortable. We were mostly content. The same passion, however, didn't exist as perhaps it did a year or two (or more) ago. Blame it on the adoption. Becoming aware of a situation about which we had only read but in which weren't personally implicated - that did it. Or perhaps, instead of being blameful, we should be grateful and thankful and full of joy. Feeling perhaps we weren't being a (small) part of the solution - weren't being used to our full capacity - it wasn't enough.
So, we pulled the trigger.
That was the hardest, most gut wrenching, near-sickening thing. Because it's a big deal. We weren't moving somewhere to be near family...a known place to us, the familiar. It was more the opposite. Leaving the familiar, to venture into the unknown.
Yet that's part of the adventure of passion, is it not? Taking the leap of faith and just going for it...knowing we could aways be (somewhat) comfortable where we were but wanting more.
And when it was all said and done, papers were signed, people were called, children were told, it felt good and right. And inevitably somewhat scary. Again though: our time is is finite. There was no do-over or rewind button. Had we not made the decision to move and stayed where we were comfortable it would have been fine.
And can I just say, God blesses us when we follow His lead.
Always and every time.
And we love it here (!!!!!!!!).
Difficult moments, sure. A tougher transition for a certain six year old, yes. Not all the same comforts of home, perhaps not. Different comforts - which likely, will soon mirror the old ones in familiarity. Yet, there is an inexplicable joy and ache for this (now quite personal) passion. We are grateful each day that we pulled the trigger.
Because now we don't have to wonder. We have the privilege of being a small part of the difference.
And now new bucket lists are beginning to form. Not so uprooting and life changing but passion-driven nonetheless.
Don't second guess. Analyze, weigh out your pros and cons. Think on it. And if it's right, if you know way down you'll regret passing it by - then simply pull.
The joy and peace and gratitude and anticipation and passion and heart and excitement which will follow and which you will exude will be evidence enough that in your "one chance" finite journey, you've just enhanced the ride.
Plus, nothing ventured nothing gained, right?