One Month Since

It's been a month since we first met Makeda.

Makeda. Makeda. Makeda.

Okay, that felt good.

It's still very surreal. Not being able to hold her or really touch her made it even more so. (By the way, if your child grabs your husband's finger and won't let go at length, and none of the nannies or director oppose it, then it's okay not to retract your hand right?! That was rhetorical.)

Yesterday's inbox nugget followed by a desire to dig through all the old boxes and sort 'thrift' from 'keep' last night and then set aside 'to bring' really made it all begin to sink in. Walking past the room with a bed half covered in 'to bring' toys, clothes, blankets, bottles...wow. It's becoming apparently, very, perfectly real.

The purchase of the car seat a few days earlier, didn't really do it for me though, surprisingly. (That's not to say I don't love it...I do!) I think the anticipation and excitement is all so mental now. I'm still guarded. What did get me was the soothers. I purchased her bottles too, yet it was the pacifiers that stirred my heart. I don't know why. She may not even use them. For some reason though they brought a smile to my lips.

With each step drawing us closer - promising a return to a most incredible country to which we are now forever connected - the layers of protection, which we have had to build are beginning to peel away. And the joy and adrenaline and praise which accompanies this is truly humbling.

And so, coupled with the recollection of our whereabouts exactly a month ago was this morning's view - and this is almost too much for a girl to handle.