Monday With Mama

Oh My, That's A Lot Of Orange

Where's your happy place? For me, it's the kitchen or at the sewing table.

Domestic goddess, I know.

Ummmm....no.

It's been good for a laugh though in the past - when Ben comes home from work and I'm baking something (anything), while trying to get supper on the table simultaneously - he can gage that it's been a rough day. Ironic that my day's been chaos and I then add to it more chaos in an attempt to unwind.

I never claimed perfection.

Lately, in an attempt not only to relax a bit more but also to help the time pass, (you know as we count from 51 eventually to 30 down to 29 then a short jump to 26) until our ringy-ding-ding, I've been looking for projects. And, since the criteria which I use to determine the next project is stingy at best, it's been a search.

First, outcome item(s) must not be anything girl or adoption related. (I am saving almost all of that for after The Call...I've created a few knitting projects in the past but it's too hard to go hog-wild on this kind of stuff only to watch it sit for months...not know exact sizes, styles, etc).

Second, outcome item(s) must be useful. They can be clothing (though 3 and 4yr boys clothing is quite limited...and jammies are done), something household related, for myself, or otherwise. For friends is fine (and by that, I mean friends' kids)...however, we don't have any little people parties until June so I have a wait ahead of me.

Putting the ol' thinking cap I looked around the house at what needed a splash of colour or newness or perhaps just a bit of TLC. And, honestly the kitchen curtains just didn't really seem all that fun. And I was at a loss until I looked at the boys' room...which is drab. It holds pictures on the walls which were placed when we moved in...when Noah was a whopping 11 months and Tait was barely a fetus.

Yes, it needed colour. But I also wanted their input. Because, I think in this world, in this day and age, in our house, there are so so so many rules. And, there are so many things they do not have control or choice over. So, I thought this could be fun. Give them freedom and ignore the desire to reign them in...all while filling my Martha-desires.

And, while I'm not an orange kind-of-girl, it's what he wanted.

And, while I may have wanted to complement the pattern of one duvet with a similar one for the youngest, that wasn't what he wanted.

I love the results.

So do they.

Hmmm, what next. (More referrals would be nice...)

Oh, and you may recall my Junk Posse post awhile back. Well folks, there's another giveaway and I'm all in. Here's to being the lucky winner. What a gift that would be! Check it out here or here.

Blink

I had one of those dreams the other night. The kind that leave you feeling peaceful. You know? The thing with dreams though is they never stick around in your mind that long, do they? And they are always so hazy.

The recollection of mine didn't come until I'd been up for a good half hour. Suddenly it was in the forefront of my mind. Vivid. Detailed.

There she was. Being handed to me. Smiling, unsure but still smiling. Sweet. Small. Mine.

And the world was calm for just a split second. It stood still as I held her and felt a peace I'd not known in quite some time. The moment of pure when a Mama holds her own for the first time.

And, as fast as it came, so it was gone. Now the details blur together. But the moment of peace remains.

While I won't stake any prophetic territory, I've had some pretty spot-on moments of REM in my time and so I'll take this as reassurance.

All this, in the blink of an eye.

Sweet Smells

Before I start in, I have to say that BDO posted an encouraging March 2010 monitoring report. This was the one we all, way back when, held our breaths for - hoping against all hope for a positive recount of details and financial (as well as many other areas) standing. Well, it's in. And it's good.

---

I recall back in the spring, the concern or threat or taunting on potential H1N1 virus invasion of our house was concerning. Working at a camp year round, we knew what it could look like and though there aren't a lot of kids throughout the winter off-season, we had to take in to consideration whether or not to vaccinate our kids. You may recall some of the chit chat.

Other than the above, I'm not going to delve in further as to why we decided (and held our stance) on not having our kids vaccinated. I have vaccinated against other diseases and have gone as far as accepting the chicken pox immunization for them. Were we not deeply involved in camp ministry, (ours hosts over 3500 kids each summer from every walk of life) I can confidently say I would have not accepted that one as necessary.

I digress.

We seem to have come away from the winter relatively unscathed. With the exception of one night of puke which was a direct result of a game played involving a mouth-to-mouth passing of candy (ew!) of which I was notified after the fact, we have been relatively illness-free. There's been some snot, a few coughs but seriously nothing to write home about.

There's been consistent administration of the Vitamin D drop and I credit that along with a ridiculously healthy diet, to our kids' health. And one other important ingredient: cleanliness.

I credit our awareness of germs. We are a clean family, people. But, we do go out from time to time. You know, in public. Like to buy groceries and other necessities. And we do frequent locations which undoubtedly crawl with germs. But that's life and we've simply opened our eyes to the fact, and fallen in love with the benefits of sanitizer. Because you know, you can't take the bathroom sink everywhere.

So, after grocery trips touching umpteen different shelves, carts, and boxes or produce (which apparently small children have an innate need to do); and when leaving play areas or pools after sharing and engaging in activities which no doubt have been shared by many others before us; we all rub a couple drops of sanitizer on our hands.

It has served us well.

But the humour came the other day, and it's a thought I'm sure we've had many a time but simply have not spoken up...it happened after a grocery trip when I was in the car with the boys and we were all routinely rubbing our hands to clean them...and Ben got in to the car after having put the shopping cart away.

"Ah" he said, "the sweet sweet smell of sanitizer".

(Because you know, it does reak of alcohol.)

"Yes" I replied sarcastically, "so much better than the sweet sweet smell of puke".

How have you kept healthy?

Shhhhh

We may as well face it: the whole level of spirituality among us is low. We have measured ourselves by ourselves until the incentive to seek higher plateaus in the things of the Spirit is all but gone... [We] have imitated the world, sought popular favour, manufactured delights to substitute for the joy of the Lord and produced a cheap and synthetic power to substitute for the power of the Holy Ghost.

-A.W. Tozer-
source: Forgotten God, Francis Chan

I've been quiet. Really really quiet. First it was exhaustion. Did you know waiting is, in itself a absolutely enfeebling exercise? Rewarding this tiredness was a rejuvenating holiday. Oh, the change of scene was a reward worth waiting for.

Then, there were holidays around home. Time off. Preparation (actually energy-recharging-in-prep-for-the-next-season) of self.

After all that, there was just nothing left to say. And I'm not going to speak, ah hem type, just to type. That would be futile and boring and a waste of your time. (Though I am saddened by the prospect that readership has inevitably dwindled.)

But I am renewed. There is a sense a peace. A sense of nearness. It's just around the corner.

I recently learned that March brought a couple more referrals than I realized. April has brought at least one also...perhaps more, you never know. So now we're hovering in the neighborhood of #26 which confirms my sense of nearness and peace. He is so good and faithful.

We will be going to Ethiopia twice. Barring a referral in the next day, we will be going twice. And I'm okay with that. You'll recall the monologue. It's just how it's going to be and there's no use thinking it over, up down left right. It's going to happen and I'm embracing the opportunity and gift to meet our child sooner than originally anticipated.

I'm currently reading a book (cited above) which I will freely admit must have been overly-hyped to me. I thought I would delve in and eat it up, loving every minute. I'm not. However, it is "required reading" of sorts so I've persevered. Necessary for a board on which I serve. And I'm glad I'm being forced through it. It's not all boring, just not engaging as I had hoped. It discusses matters of the Spirit. I don't mean "a" spirit, or "our" spirit, rather "The" Spirit. You know, Father Son Holy Ghost, Spirit. And it's giving me a much needed sort of calm.

I am certain of a few things more than ever. I'm content more than in recent months. (And through all this - all the lessons and teachings, I'm still not loving the book. Huh. I'm an odd duck.)

Perhaps it's not the book. Maybe it's this...


...picked up yesterday. Thanks to one small girl, with one big heart, and one even larger ambition, we will enjoy coffee she watched being roasted. (It's not all for me.)

So here we go. Embarking upon another month full of promise. I promise to be a little more vocal.

Thanks for stickin' around.

Into Each Day, Some Fun Must Fall

Though the parent:child ratio came out to 1:1 this week, there were days and moments it didn't feel as such. What I have come to realize - and it is a process - is that, though adults feel that holidays and vacation mean relaxing (which in itself means doing not so much), children simply do not acquire the same sentiment until, oh, perhaps their teens.

As such, though the week has been good there has been some restlessness.

And, being fed up with it and realizing it was not about to change, we have both given a little more of ourselves to make this holiday week a little easier on the other.

My thoughts yesterday were as follows...

...boredom
...baking
...little hands
...Easter
...cookie decorating

For some reason, however, (still unbeknownst to myself) I made the dough but decided not to put it in the oven until at least an hour later. After having baked for a whopping three minutes, the power went out for a lengthy seven hours. Seven hours people!

Mercifully, our beautiful creature holds it's heat and the cookies baked in the remaining warmth. It was a small act of mercy. These two, these children, these boys...they needed something to do. And so did I.

Make It A Double

It's official. We'll now be traveling twice to complete our adoption...provided we do not receive our referral before mid-May. I mentioned it a ways back but yesterday we received notification that this new law is as real as real gets. (First trip: court appearance to legalize the adoption. Second trip: after immigration is complete, she is a Cdn and we return home.)

To say I'm shocked would be a lie. To say I'm disappointed would be false also. I'm a bit of a bird on a wire. While it's another chunk of change, at this point the money is a drop in the bucket. All that matters is the One for whom my heart aches. (Did you know you can hurt to meet a being you have never known.) Money comes and goes...life and love not so. (Plus, I think this must be where our hyper-budgeting comes in to play...a real reason behind my madness.)

I'm trying, desperately people, to look at this as nothing but good. I get to meet her sooner. Hold her. Kiss her. Love her. Then, leave her...briefly. (I am choosing not to focus on the ache that will bring, at this point.) Only to return, gather her in my arms and bring her home. Forever.

FOREVER.

The fear in me comes when I wonder if this is one step closer to a country closure. (This is based upon nothing but distrust.) I pray not. In my mind I believe not, but the trust, my trust hasn't fully returned. After the unthinkable happens, it is hard to reach down into the soul and completely rebuild it. And I know that I will never rest completely easy until all is said and done. Until she is home in her bed. In her room. In our house.

Then, at the point when we are family - when we are five - then I will rest easy.

I know this plan was laid out thousands of years ago. Not a day, hour, or minute goes by without having been pre-determined ages ago. I believe this. I know this is for good. Now, if I could just muster the patience and calmness to get through it in one emotionally stable piece.

I will rest easy. Some day soon. I will.

I know I will.

(Did I mention we now sit around #29...there's something to be said for that right?!)

How To Say Thank You

I mentioned last month that I had become involved in a Secret Pal exchange. It's been fun but I leave each month (you know, the whopping 2 that have passed thus far) feeling less than creative. So, in April I need to get my thinking cap on and get with the program. Don't get me wrong, I am sending good stuff, useful stuff but I want my gifts over the next four months to have that "wow" factor.

This month is "something for the child's room/nursery". So, if you have any fab ideas I am all ears people. All ears. I'll even let you know the age range/gender of my secret pal's referral request if you want...just not here...you know...in case she reads.

I was blown away - socks right off - Monday when I went to the post office. My package was there and it was a doozie. Big, bulky and one of those things you just knew didn't fit the slogan "good things come in small packages". (By the way, I am a fan of that one...have you seen all 5' of me?)

I digress.

I opened, gazed, and teared up.

It was a bag.

Not just any old bag.

A Bags4Darfur bag.

My Secret Pal suggested I could use it when we head over to pick up our daughter. (Saying that never gets old...I just wish I could add a specific month on the end of it. Patience, Ashleigh patience.) Afterwards, she suggested I use it as a diaper bag. And, whaddya know I've been looking at my old one (blah) and coveting the cool one-of-a-kind, handmade one a good friend has...which, other than colours is actually quite similar to my new one. It's not something I would have picked off a shelf and said with absolute certainty, "yep, these are my colours and this is my style". But it just fits. You know? It's a step out of the fashion comfort zone that just works. I love it. (The pictures don't do it justice....there's a reason my models are usually small human children.)

The detail which seals the deal (other than the intricacy of all the different fabrics, prints, and textures which in themselves are noteworthy,) is that if you know anything about Bags4Darfur you will know this bag holds more than just fabric and thread. It carries with it stories. And it is creating them too. All materials used are either re-purposed thrift, vintage, or recycled materials. They've all lived a good life and will now go on to give a little more.

The story behind Bags4Darfur is this...

Re-joyce.
I've always been a scrounger. Raised by a frugal prairie farm woman who reduced, reused, and recycled long, looooong before it was trendy; I've come into the concept of re-purposing honestly. I am silly-in-love with anything vintage-ish, and am powerless against it when I discover it stacked on card tables in someone's garage, or stale and lonely in a thrift shop.

As a responsible consumer, here's what you can feel good about:
*the bags are primarily made from recycled fabrics purchased at thrift shops, garage sales, and fabrics donated by generous supporters.
* Most of the thrift shops are themselves humanitarian aid fund raisers.
*while keeping this stuff out of the landfills, you get to enjoy little pieces of history. Fabrics that used to function as tableclothes, aprons, bedspreads, sheet sets, coats.... Well, you get the idea.
*the proceeds of the project are intended for food aid to people in camps in Darfur, Sudan via the United Nations World Food Programme.

(italics mine)

I've watched them from time to time, come up for sale and go to the highest bidder. All the while I thought I would wait. Wait for our referral. Wait for ...???... well, I'm not sure. Just wait.

Now I don't have to.

Go check it out. You'll be surprised. You'll fall in love. Yes, with a bag. You'll help others. You'll help our planet. You'll stay local (she's Canadian). You'll have a little fun.

It's Good To Be Home??

I thought I would be super excited to be home. Though I knew I'd miss the sun (oh, the sun!) and the hot temps, I also expected to be happy back in my own bed with my own pillow and my own routine.

Wrong.

The soggy-dog look, which I sported at the end of my run this morning sealed the deal. (Disclaimer: it wasn't raining when I went out!)

Do you think if I put on a pair of red shoes, click my heals together three times and say "I wanna go back" it will happen?

Well, you can't blame a girl for trying. (And it has been great to catch up with friends. I missed my friends!)

Fortunately, my mood was lifted when I opened my email to find out I'd won the Happy Find Blog contest yesterday. You should check out Venus' creations. She's talented and adds that little something to everyday, run-of-the-mill items. I've coveted her aprons for awhile so to win one was a thrill. After checking out a few down in the States and deciding I would come home and make one myself, this was even better! Thanks Venus.


Well, I guess being home isn't that bad.

New Number

Well, the month's not done yet but after a Board update today it seems appropriate to post our newly updated number. There have been 23 referrals since...well...inception of the New Imagine. And, I do think that both those words ("new" and "imagine") need capitalization as it truly is a new organization.

I digress, there have been 23 referrals. You'll recall we were 51 (quite happily, I may add) when the list was shared a couple of months ago. So, while I won't subtract the latter from our original number I will more than happily state that we currently sit at 30.

HULLO.

Why, you ask? Well, I believe (at least) two of those referrals have been sibling referrals and they are on a different list than us.

30 seems nice and round though, does it not?

Second Half. I Love This Place

a little pre-supper yoga

you may recall this vacation is a celebration of two sixtieth birthdays...well, when the 4 year old is desperate to celebrate in the morning, banana slices make the perfect pieces of cake

(I hate these things)

(they drive me nuts...and I believe they should be banned in north america)

keeping out of the sun rays, when the spf 50 doesn't do it

**I cannot believe I did this. The first time in 18 months that I forgot to post that it was our EIGHTEENTH month of waiting. A year and a half peeps. We're hangin' in. Stayin' strong. Waitin' to find out about our little girl. The one meant for us. The one to call daughter. Sister. Friend. Family.

Mmmm. It's Nice Here.

It's safe to say, I would do okay as a snowbird. I'd possibly be the youngest (poorest?) snowbird down here. But, I'd be warm - oh so warm.

We got here with only one minor glitch. The flights were smooth, quick, and the boys enjoyed more TV than they usually would in a month. So, it's safe to say they thought it was fabulous. Unfortunately, I was frisked beyond my imagination at customs between Edmonton and Palm Springs. What was it that the Customs Officer said to me as he was leaving me with the woman who was to "check me over"? Ah yes, it was "this will leave you feeling refreshed". Sick.

My words of wisdom to anyone traveling across a border: innocent 1/4 full bottles of hand sanitizer will indeed lead you to be violated if you make it through customs in one go. Yuck.

(in our yard...oranges, sweet grapefruit, and lemons)

Today, at least 2 referrals were given out so to say that made the day more wonderful (in all of it's 30 degrees warmth) than it already was, would be an understatement.

May the week continue so incredibly.

(my parents were upgraded from their prius...I'd say they did okay)

Rest

It's been quiet around these parts. The blog and posts (or rather, lack thereof) reflect it. The adoption process is following suit. These are seasons. We must endure them. Grin and bear it. Sometimes not grin but simply bear what is present, resting in the knowledge that another season is around the bend. Not wishing them away but instead, seeking refuge in the moments - glimpses - of pleasure, peace, content.

This season is coming to an end. Both metaphorically and in reality.

Hope is peaking it's lovely head over the moutain peaks. Can you see it? You must look closely. You must wait patiently. But she is there...waiting until just the right moment to crest, to rise, and shine.

I am certain.

Yet, the soul needs refreshment before diving in for another swim. For us, it's a family trip. A break. Change of scene. Celebration of two sixtieth birthdays and a thirtieth anniversary. Family together. Sun. Heat. Mindless reading. Schedule-less days followed perhaps by evening strolls. Anticipation of the cresting of said hope. It's coming.

Little ones dance with excitment and relish in the thought of t-shirts and shorts only - no jackets. They anticipate swimming as only crocodiles and salamanders do...all day. Every day.

And me? I will take a little stroll down memory lane. You see, our destination holds much significance. It whispers secrets of days, vacations past. An era when this Mama was the crocodile with a salamander sister, swimming in the (not-so) deep of the pool. Slathered in sunscreen, calling for our Mama and Daddy to come play. Smiling, not knowing the deep need for rest and refreshing needed by those who brought us.

I recall our alarm early on the morning(s) of our departure each time we left. My Dad. Standing in our bedroom doorway, guitar in hand...doing what he does best. Rejoicing in the moment. Knowing the moment would soon be but a memory. And, while the city may not be exact the song holds much value and sacredness in the bank of memories held in this girl's heart. Ones we will surely share this time, ones we hope to pass along. And too, the anticipation of new memories made is nearly enough to send me forth in to a sleepless night.

We're off. Well, nearly. We still have some packing. I hope to post next week. I'll surely be checking my email - eager for any updates which may come our way...and yours too.

Until then, I leave you with these. A little glimpse of the anticipation we all hold.

Wordless Wednesday

What a difference a day makes...